Money in the Banksy

Having 'mislaid' my phone in a dingy London Bridge nightclub on Friday night, I found myself at a bit of a loose end on the next day; until Facebook came to the rescue with an invite to a Banksy exhibition in Knightsbridge. The perfect bit of culture to counteract the guilt-ridden hangover.

Andipa Gallery holds one of the largest Banksy collections in the UK, and I certainly wasn't disappointed with the examples on show here. His now-iconic chimpanzee works really stood out. Banksy has said about these: "You paint a hundred chimpanzees and they call you a guerilla artist." They bore the sinister slogan 'laugh now, but one day we'll be in charge", a menacing pair held guns aloft, and one was painted haphazardly onto an old door.

I also loved the contrast of the pink armoured tanks and lollipop lady, and was particularly taken with a work on printed canvas... but you'll have to have a look for yourself. If you've got upwards of £65,000, you could even take one home!

Banksy from the collection of Andipa finishes 9th July. It's well worth checking out War Boutique on the lower ground floor too.

London Jewellery Week 2011

It was London Jewellery Week last week, and hundreds of activities took place city-wide, to celebrate London's unique and ancient jewellery industry.

Goldsmiths' Hall - the home of the UK's premier supporter of the jewellery trade, The Goldsmiths' Company - hosted Days of Knowledge seminars, and workshops from the London Assay Office.  Victoria House in Bloomsbury held a one-of-a-kind selling exhibition called 'Treasure' featuring 80 of the best contemporary designers; and the Hatton Garden Festival celebrated with a street party featuring workshops, launches, kids' activities and opportunities to learn about diamonds and the history of the area. It's not dubbed the 'diamond district' for nothing.

Elsewhere, Old Spitalfields Market was transformed into JewelEast for the week - a showcase of new designers, and the best costume and vintage jewellery; the Camden Civic Treasures exhibition showed mayoral regalia from 1901 and never before seen in public; and south of the river, the OXO Tower's four resident design-led jewellers held private viewings at the OXO Jewellers Benchmark Exhibition. 

There were also mobile certification labs from Solitaire Gemmological Laboratories Ltd at various locations throughout the week, offering free diamond grading, and lots, lots more... I'm just sorry I couldn't see all of it.

Get Me Out Of Here!

Here's another poem, called Get Me Out Of Here. I came up with the first verse whilst chilling in the bath, then had to hurry up and get out to finish it.


The trappings of this earth and sea
Are far too much for me, for me
I long for quiet, a slower pace
That must be found in outer space

The peace, the calm, the wonderous sights
Would take me to the highest heights
I could soar amongst the stars
Who knew I could go so far?

If only there was air up there
With air up there I'd have no cares
The freshest air, the sweetest breeze
Yet it would rustle the leaves of no trees

What if I could take a friend?
The fun would never, ever end
I could even take a bike
And some clothing, and the like

I'd need some food, I'd need a drink
I think I'd need more than I think
I'd need some medicine in case
Of strange diseases in this place

And what of music, what of art?
Surely they must play a part
The inspiration, with nowhere to go
No-one to see, and no-one to know

Maybe I'd visit this earth, this sea
Every so often, just to see
I'd take a shower, a bubble bath
Turn up the volume, just for a laugh

I'd pound the pavements, drive a car
And start to forget I'd been so far
I'd always remember the peace I had
But maybe this earth, it ain't so bad

A Poem For Smallsy

When the inspiration takes me, I'm actually quite good at making up poems on the spot. A while ago, my friend Smallsy left a lovely ditty on my Facebook wall, and I replied instantly with something too vulgar to post (which just happened to trip off the tongue). I then owed him a nice, well thought-out poem. So here it is:


Smallsy is a funny one
He's who I'd put my money on
He's got plenty decent skills
And can always pay the bills
His attraction is magnetic
('Though not always photogenic)
And he's also got the most delicious bum.


He is always understanding
And never too demanding
Never fails to make me smile
Even when it's been a while
Sometimes he's disgusting
But it makes me feel like buff ting *
And he really really really loves his mum.


*Buff ting: Urban Dictionary.com - English word, South East, meaning hot, fit or pretty

20-20 vision! Said the 90-year-old blind optician.

This is a true story. I'm used to being the exception to the rule in my family, who have all worn glasses from a young age, but when the blurry things began to get closer and closer, and the on-screen TV menus started spreading out in all sorts of unreadable directions, I thought it might be time to get my eyes tested.
It must have been this guy's own optician practice. Who the hell would give him a job anywhere else? He was literally 90, could hardly walk, was shuffling around bent over and had really thick glasses. Nothing against the guy, but was he really qualified to give me an eye test?
Oh well, 20-20 it is! Just as I was getting used to the idea of some cool glasses.

Mr Noisy & BITR8

If you're into your electronic music and on the South Coast, then chances are your already well aware of Junk. If you're anything like me then you'll like a little of bit of everything,  and here it's all under one roof. Whether you prefer the regular Raygun Youth and Hospitality drum'n' bass nights, shiny Hed Kandi house, urban Twice as Nice and Get Skanky, or - coming soon - techno favourite Cocoon - Junk has it covered.


With three refits in three years, the interior is as up to date as the massive acts this club attracts. Bang Bang, the regular electro night, has recently been voted one of Mixmag's top five nights out in the South; and alongside its own local club nights, Junk's collaborations with The End, Ministry of Sound and Circo Loco have really risen the bar. It's great that Junk is on our doorstep, attracting crowds from all over, so apart from the drink prices it does alright in my book!


Mr Noisy & BITR8 hold down the regular slot at Bang Bang, and have a long-standing relationship with the club. Since 2008 these guys have been bringing us the best underground electro acts around; from the days of the hugely popular student Indie night, Shakedown, to supporting the likes of  Fake Blood, Jack Beats, Andy George & Jaymo, Caspa, Rusko, Calvin Harris, Chase & Status, and Audio Bullys - Mr Noisy & BITR8 are hard not to notice. 


I treasure my freebie Shakedown CD. Have a listen to their Junk 5th Birthday mix here for something similar.

ParkLife....(they love a bit of it)

Exactly two months after Pinchy's birthday, her present became valid - tickets to ParkLife festival, Platt Fields Park, Manchester.  

The first-ever ParkLife was a one day affair coinciding conveniently with some nice weather, and the first of England's World Cup games, against the USA. We'd been looking forward to the giant screen, but it ended up being the least of our worries as we flitted from here to there. We shouldn't dwell on the result too much (1-1).

We'd camped the night before at a uni friend's in Huddersfield, a place he'd spoken of many times - with the accent - but we had never seen; we still didn't see a lot of it, to be fair. So after a trip on a train and a bus, we arrived at the gorgeous Platt Fields Park, to celebrate the festival and (conveniently) the 100-year centenary of the park. 

Like kids in a sweet shop, there was so much going on that we found ourselves always catching the second half of random sets. Boy 8-Bit got the party started, Kissy Sell Out and Calvin Harris were loving the sunshine on the main stage, Simian Mobile Disco pulled the biggest crowd, Friendly Fires provided some lovely light relief in the middle, followed by a seriously grimy Magnetic Man finale... the list goes on, and as you can see it aint for the faint-hearted. 

Nothing has been said of a repeat performance next year, but with a line-up like that it's no wonder they sold out. 

Gary Rhodes - A Great British Classic

Another day at the office, another celebrity interview... this could start to get boring... (not!).
On today's agenda: celebrity chef, Gary Rhodes.

'Gazza' has just opened another new restaurant on the south coast, so I was assigned to go down there this afternoon, on this glorious sun-shiney day, whilst my colleague gets to attend the official champagne dinner this evening... Not that I'm complaining... (unlimited Laurent-Perrier though, yummy).
The restaurant is beautiful: a modern wooden-and-glass structure, standing alone out the back of the Christchurch Harbour Hotel, overlooking the small, undeveloped quay with its quaint little fishing boats. In fact, Gary said he buys fresh fish from one of these boats, and its of amazing quality (must be, for a £4 surcharge!).
So, a few of us local journo's sat around in the bar, waiting for Gary to come out of the kitchen and talk to us. I even made a new friend, with a girl called Steph who was on her first assignment of her new job. Turns out, she went to the same uni as me, and lived on my road! Wonders never cease. We promised to keep in touch, swap Gary photos and dictaphone recordings, and go for a drink when The Wizard and I make the BIG MOVE down to Bournemouth in a few weeks. (What's that? I haven't mentioned this yet? Surprise!)
The strange thing is, I felt the same about Gary Rhodes as I did about Paul Daniels - he was exactly as he is on telly. I wasn't star-struck, as with Paul Daniels, because he is just a normal man! Celebrities are people, just like me and you, and there's really nothing 'starry' about them. Gary even spoke about 'skidmarks' when referring to poncy food presentation! I didn't know where to look!
I'm going to have to book a lunch down there soon - £20 for 3 courses can't be bad...

I Wish I Had a Magnolia Tree

The first time I clapped eyes on a Magnolia, I was struck dumb by its ethereal beauty. No other plant had done this before, or has done since. There is something so graceful about its long, meandering branches, something so unashamedly oriental about its huge, usually pink blossoms, emerging in abundance at this time of year, before any hint of green leaf. I could just stand and stare at a Magnolia for hours, or, better still, sit beneath one on a warm spring day, all day, with a good book - and be completely and utterly at peace.
Perhaps 'ethereal' is too airy-fairy a word to describe the surprisingly robust Magnolia. Its gorgeous looks belie its turbulent history. It evolved before bees, believe it or not, making the petals tough enough to withstand pollination by hefty beetles. The 200-odd species can be found right across the world, and in a wide range of habitats. You would be correct in thinking that it originated in eastern Asia, though. Who could ignore its dreamy presence in ancient Chinese and Japanese art?
But alas, I don't yet have my rambling farmhouse, complete with orchard, library and considerable Magnolia on the front lawn. *Sigh*. Instead I must resort to peering over garden gates, consumed with envy (and a strange blissful calm...), or be forced to enjoy the 'public' specimens in a local park. Which, for about two weeks, are a sight to behold.
Although nowhere near as jaw-droppingly beautiful as this one, at Kew Gardens:

Underrated Lizard

I'm a great believer in the conservation of animals. The diversity of species on our planet is extraordinary; and not only a beautiful thing, but a direct link to our natural history. Inter-species relations are delicate, influenced easily by many factors, and although the natural world adapts and evolves continuously, I do think that human activity has been abnormally detrimental to all creatures, great and small.
The plights of some animals, such as the panda, elephant, or polar bear, have become high-profile. These will of course be sadly missed, or (worse?) the last pathetic examples gawped over at 'breeding zoos' worldwide - and I shudder at the thought - but what about the smaller, uglier, much less significant creatures? And plants for that matter. Does anyone care if the Japanese Knotweed becomes extinct?
The point is, that it isn't the species that's important, but the fact it's dying out in the first place. There will be none left for future generations, and who knows how their loss will affect their natural surroundings? Fewer insects and birds means fewer plants - wild and farmed - and that means food.  The loss of one species directly affects others, if they happen to be their dinner. Our frequent migration allows alien plant species to travel between habitats. And so it goes on...

On a lighter note, here is my favourite little wonder.

Unique in so many ways, the Chameleon has been my favourite for a while... colour changing, independent eye swivelling, toe-gripping, sticky tongue-firing, tail curling, horny, gnarled and just wonderful... I was lucky enough to see one on a family holiday in Malta, aged about 10. My Dad pointed one out in a bush. They definitely don't get enough credit.

Who the **** is Alice?

We seem to have fallen 'in tune' with our local cinema lately, always turning up accidentally to the 3D showing, just in time to go straight in. The film of choice this time was Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland, currently topping box-office charts for the third week running. I can see why too; I quite liked it. It's not trying to be a previous version of the story, or even a re-write. It's an entirely different angle, which gives it licence to explore new avenues, free from pre-conception, while still staying true to Lewis Carroll's original vision. Refreshing.

I'm a huge Alice fan anyway, in all her many guises; but I think I surprised myself, as I wasn't expecting to like the movie - especially considering the original, animated version is my favourite Disney film ever. I think I'm enchanted by the fantasy, the nonsense, the fact that it could go on forever with no real outcome, the freedom, the imagination, the larger-than-average personalities, and the outright madness. 

Talking of madness... Johnny Depp's Mad Hatter was a bit of a disappointment. The amount of screen time and free reign given to explore the character doesn't equate with the bland, predictable 'mad' sort that we've seen many times before from Depp. The March Hare was much more amusing, with a mere fraction of dialogue. I would also much prefer to see a pink, stripy Cheshire Cat, instead of a black one that just doesn't do his personality justice - although Stephen Fry is the perfect voice. 

The Red Queen is portrayed brilliantly by Helena Bonham-Carter, leaving the White Queen (Anne Hathaway) literally paling in comparison. Matt Lucas makes the perfect Tweedle-Dum and Tweedle-Dee, and using a 'virtually unknown' actress to play Alice is a great idea - Mia Wasikowska is perfect.

I'm glad I went to see it; both to form my own opinions, and to expand my own personal 'Wonderland'. 

More Mojitos Please

I'd bagged some tickets to the opening of a new club last night, with a free cocktail on arrival. I had a fair few of these tickets, but only managed to rustle up two free-and-single friends for the evening, which meant more cocktails per person...
Actually, the free cocktails turned out to be the best bit of the whole evening. The club itself makes use of an otherwise dead space underneath a glitzy waterside casino, and it has just that feeling about it... No, not the 'glitzy casino' feel, but a rushed, after-thought atmosphere, mixed with the stench of somebody making a quick buck. Filling the space with leather, chandeliers and an expensive, swirly carpet may impress on the first night, but six months down the line it will already look tired and outdated, not to mention dirty.
The DJ was awfully average, playing chart crowd-pleasers from a tiny, uninspiring booth in the corner of a tiny, uninspiring dancefloor. There was a girl crooning half-heartedly in the only other room, with a couple of bored-looking, gold-sprayed human statues for decoration. The punters were an odd collective of lonely, single lads, bolshy girls and middle-aged, gold-digger types.
But, the mojitos were fresh and strong, and we were grateful for them; the cloakroom was free, a nice touch. When the cocktail tokens ran out, we moved on to an old student haunt, and had just as much of a good time. Shame we had to trek the length of town to get there, to where all the other busy bars and clubs are... Nice try Club Rosso, but I probably won't be visiting again any time soon - I've seen it all before...

In The Good Book

What a long, long day I've had... Listed goes to print tomorrow, so it was all hands on deck today to get it finished and proofed in time.
I shunned my usual ad-sales role, and replaced it with a long morning in the bar next-door to the office - drinking paid-for cappuccinos and proof-reading to my heart's content (I relish in spotting a typo at fifty paces). In the afternoon I put together: an Easter shopping advertorial for a shopping centre, some blurb about a new art exhibition, a gig preview, and chased up outstanding artwork from advertisers. It took me an extra couple of hours, which meant I'd been working about 10 hours straight (the absent-minded scoffing of a cheese sarnie at my desk counting as 'lunch'), and was a lot to get done in a relatively short time; but it made it all worthwhile to receive a text full of praise from my editor... she said my work was 'perfect' considering the time I had to write it, which certainly made the long drive home in the pouring rain more bearable! I'm exhausted, but exhilarated.

Swim for your Supper

I have definitely been better at keeping up the exercise regime lately. I haven't done this much regular exercise since I quit my expensive-but-worth-it-if-you-go-three-times-a-week gym, to go to university.
At uni I found plenty of other things to occupy my mind and body. I got a fair bit of walking in (power-walking if late for class - pretty much every day), but much of my cardio work was done drunkenly on the dancefloor. Not particularly healthy, but exhilarating all the same.
I took up swimming in my final year, when a discount swim card became available for students, and I had time to trek across town to the pool (parking fees were extortionate), but I still only averaged about once a fortnight. Swimming sparked my competitive streak though, and I found myself really focussing and setting personal goals.
64 lengths in a 25m pool is equal to 1 mile, so this nice round figure was always my goal. At uni I was still a dirty smoker, so the magic '64' was only achieved in addition to much coughing, spluttering and resting. Now, 8 and a half months after quitting, the coughing has completely stopped, and 64 lengths is slightly easier, but still knocks me out for the day. I take this as a good sign.
Nowadays, I just try to get my time down, although I haven't been very successful. It still takes me an hour (I am not the most graceful of swimmers; there is absolutely no 'technique' involved), but then subconsciously I probably think that if it took less time, I'd have to carry on to make it an hour's workout anyway...
So, off to the pool this afternoon, to burn off the calories I will be drinking in the pub later. The words 'fighting', 'losing' and 'battle' come to mind...

Souper

Continuing on my health-trip - unusual for me, but I'm not getting any younger and summer's coming - I have recently been getting into soup. Yes, "getting into" soup. That is, appreciating its low calorie content, nutritional properties and value for money. And feeling good when only having one slice of bread with it (sometimes toasted with cheese.....).
I made my first batch of home-made today: carrot and coriander. Delicious, even if I may say so myself.

Here is the recipe (serves 6 - 8), adapted from a few available on BBC food:

4 small onions, chopped
4 cloves garlic, crushed
800g carrots, chopped
1 large handful fresh coriander, chopped
1.5l vegetable stock
olive oil
salt and pepper

1. Gently fry onions and garlic for 5 mins until soft
2. Add carrots and coriander, cook for another 5 mins
3. Add stock, simmer for 5 mins
4. Season to taste
5. Allow to cool, then blend.

The fabulous lime green colour is nothing to worry about! If preferred, you can add double cream before blending.
I made six large servings from this, storing some in the fridge and some in individual portions in the freezer.
Cost per serving: 45 pence !!

Baffling Buffet

This year, far too many of my friends reach the big 3-0. I celebrated the first of many last night at a popular buffet restaurant in Southampton, Tiger Lilly.
"Was it a Chinese or an Indian buffet?" I hear you cry.
"Yes", I reply, for this restaurant serves both.
I'm a huge fan of these two great cuisines (who isn't?), and the idea of unlimited amounts of either is sure to get me drooling. But the old saying of 'too many cooks spoil the broth' seemed so accurate here; the subtle and intricate flavours of each cuisine were somehow lost to each other. It wasn't like I went piling it all up together on one plate either, far from it. It was just too much for one palate to take, even a well-seasoned one like mine.
In general though, I can't criticise too much. The food was fresh, well-cooked and nicely flavoured - if a bit cold - and it's a great place for large parties as there's something to please everyone.
The best bit of the evening was the magician. He put a new spin on several seen-it-all-before tricks, not failing to impress us by switching our signed, tightly-clenched cards, or by making money disappear.

Where's Tinie?

Well this could be my first bad review. Usually I'm far too nice, but how can you be nice when the artist doesn't even show up?
I was asked to review a Tinie Tempah gig last night for Listed magazine, and was really looking forward to it. We got word from his PR yesterday that Tinie's impressive debut single, Pass Out, is set to top the UK charts this Sunday, as it's already sold over 16,000 copies. As a result, Tinie was suddenly available for interviews. I got even more excited as I got ready, composing awesome questions in my head for him, then prepared myself to hang around the venue for his midnight arrival.
The place was full of students. They cheered when a Rhianna remix was played, and left the 'floor whenever half-decent electro-grime came on. Speaks volumes. The Wizard and I felt very old and incongruous all of a sudden. We waited. We battled our way to the bar with our 'free drink' passes, elbows avoiding the sticky pools of spilt sambuca. We waited some more. Midnight came and went. The compére said Tinie Tempah would be arriving in 15 minutes; we waited half an hour. At 1pm, my feet were killing me (stupid 'no trainers' dresscode, which the students got away with!) and we were seriously flagging, while all around us people got drunker and more unstable. We left.
I really like the single, I think Tinie Tempah is talented and has lots more tricks up his sleeves, but he ain't gonna get very far by keeping people waiting. Sorry Tinie.

And Still They Come

The local printer's left me a voicemail saying they had received my CV a while back (kindly donated by The Wizard during the bleakest depths of graduate unemployment, I believe). I didn't think much more about until they called again, later that evening. Turns out they used to have a full-time, in-house graphic designer, until she fell in love over the internet and buggered off to Newcastle. But they now handle much of the design work themselves, and they have a surplus... which is where I come in.
I'm designing them a promotional flyer, to be distributed through almost every letterbox in my small-ish town. There doesn't appear to be a fixed timescale, or price, on this job, but it's been hinted that it could lead to more design odd-jobs. They certainly have a lot to advertise too: in a small shop space they can print A0 size plans, vinyl stickers for vehicles, canvas and even ribbon, not to mention the digital embroidery, passport photos and while-u-wait photo kiosk. It's pretty impressive, and makes me want to get back to making our university magazine, Thrift. It deserves to go into print!

Disney Princess

Went to see Disney's new animated film, The Princess and the Frog, tonight. I was glad to see the return to 'proper' cartoon animation, rather than another stunning-yet-somewhat-soulless Pixar/CGI creation. (Probably something to do with my age.)

I enjoyed it, it had all the Disney charm and magic you'd expect, good morals and a fair few laughs. I didn't think it was up there with the greats (Alice in Wonderland is my favourite), but considering the story was almost completely re-written, they did a bloomin' good job. To go from "a princess kissed a frog and he turned into a prince" to 90 minutes of twists and turns, goodies vs. baddies, magic, love and friendship is not a lot short of a Disney miracle in itself. 

The songs were fairly forgettable, although there were a couple that stood out from the rest. I'm sure after a few viewings I'll know most of the words... and Dr Facilier, the baddie, is an entirely new concept (despite his resemblance to Aladdin's Jafar) and there are some pretty dark characters surrounding him to look out for. Charlotte, Louis and Mama Odie are all hilarious.

The hype that surrounds this movie never fails to mention that Tiana is Disney's first black princess. Does it matter? Obviously it's a huge benchmark for Disney, but I don't think the kids will even notice. I didn't. The new forward-thinking mentality is also proven in using New Orleans for a setting, hopefully putting the famously hurricane-stricken city back on the map, where it belongs.

So, a thoroughly modern fairy tale, told using time-honoured techniques. I like. Welcome back Disney.

Uni Reunion

I'd promised my group of university friends this trip for a long time, and it finally just happened.
A friend of my Dad owns a holiday chalet, on a cliff-top location in a small town not far from Bournemouth. The chalet is small but perfectly formed and more than fully equipped, and at £20 per night (mates' rates) it's the ideal getaway. Oh yeah, the view, spectacular:

That's The Needles on the Isle of Wight in the background, if you squint a bit, and this is taken from the doorstep of the chalet. You can't put a price on a view like this, especially when the sun comes out.
So, we squeezed in, and made ourselves totally at home (just like the good old days, *sniff*). A lot of food was eaten (fish and chips, cooked breakfast, fried chicken, tea and biscuits, pub lunch...) and laughter ensued. Baby Thomas came to visit with Gemma, and Sam did a good job lugging his busted ankle and crutches around.
On Saturday night we dragged our heavy bellies into Bournemouth to review another gig for work; I jumped at the chance to cover this one as it sounded right up my street. The night was Club K, with ex-Radio1 DJ Danny Rampling and the Bournemouth Symphony Orchestra conducted by DJ/composer Gabriel Prokofiev. It wasn't at all what I expected, more 'swish corporate event' than 'clubbing with violins', but it was excellently executed. Read my review here.

A Reflection

I've just read my New Year's resolutions again, and I think I've got them all covered! (See 1st January post.)  1. I haven't given up cake but I am doing more exercise (workout DVD, swimming and Legs, Bums and Tums classes).  2. Hopefully some of the pics on here prove resolution #2. I've also been reading DSLR User magazine for tips.  3. Goes hand in hand with 4. My job provides all the writing opportunities I need for now, and I'm contemplating online publishing instead of web design for the time being.
Not bad eh? Maybe I should give myself a break and chill out, have a day off! That'll never happen.

Nostalgic Magic

Well, the perks at work just keep getting better. Not only have I got a few music events lined up to review, but today I conducted a telephone interview with ........ Mr Paul Daniels! He's doing a 'Best of British' variety show this summer with Christopher Biggins, The Krankies, The Grumbleweeds and Dana, so it's an all-star cast...

Paul Daniels was exactly as you'd expect him to be, exactly as you've seen him on telly (particularly if you've seen that episode of Celebrity Wife Swap - pure TV gold). He clearly thinks he's hysterically funny, describing all of his above co-stars as 'hilarious' and putting himself right up there with them.
I asked him what he thinks of modern day variety shows such as Britain's Got Talent, he said he doesn't think there's much real talent involved, and doesn't like the way some poor folks are blatantly ridiculed by the judges. I asked him what he thought of modern day magicians, such as Derren Brown; he said there's nothing modern about them - he grew up watching mind-reader types on telly. He said that magic is cyclical - things go in and out of fashion but are rarely brand new, just old tricks revamped for a new audience.
I asked if he was going to do any more television, explaining that the British public miss his face, but he said that the format of television has changed beyond recognition, and he feels more at home on the stage now. Although he does admit to setting up a YouTube account to broadcast his trademark tricks, and keeping in touch with fans via Facebook and Twitter.
As for his wife *slash* assistant, the lovely Debbie McGee? She's busy writing a 'cookbook with a difference', and looking after him. "It seems she takes good care of you," say I. "Hrmph," says Paul. I don't know if he's joking or not.
Love him or hate him, Paul Daniels is a British institution and an authentic television celebrity, if slightly eccentric. But we wouldn't have him any other way.

The interview should be published in the July issue, I'll be sure to post it in full.

V Day

Although Pinchy and the Wizard are trying very hard at the moment to save cash (to spend on expensive things, like a house or round-the-world tickets), everyone needs a day off, right?
After much nagging (on my part) that we never spend any "quality time" together, the Wizard revealed what he had planned for Valentine's Day all along ... a day trip to Brighton for some vintage/independent shopping, followed by dinner at Oki-Nami, the Japanese restaurant owned by local hero Norman Cook, AKA Fatboy Slim. And a very nice day it was too.
It felt weird to go to Brighton and not stroll along the seafront with the rest of the day-trippers, but wandering The Lanes was far more interesting. There really is nothing else quite like it this side of London. Being a Sunday, quite a few of the shops were closed, particularly the antiques/furniture ones. But this meant that it was fairly quiet, and we could amble around haphazardly and get lost-on-purpose in the maze of backstreets. The Wizard came away with a vintage velour stripy sweatshirt (sounds gross, looks cool), and I got a cute knitted vintage jumper, a mixed bag of brass military buttons (£2, surely there must be an excellent use for them?) and some gorgeous Firetrap shoes on sale.
As for the restaurant, amazing. On my brief trip to Tokyo last year (I keep promising an entry on this, I will deliver), it was amazingly hard to find sushi, which I thought would be everywhere. Instead there were plenty of ice-cream parlours, doughnut stands and fast food outlets. The sushi at Oki-Nami was as good as I found in Tokyo, I just wish there was more of it! For my main course I had pollack, with yuzu (Japanese citrus fruit) and saffron dressing. The Wizard had sizzling steak, sliced on the diagonal and covered in black sesame seeds. Both were delicious, the Japanese flavours really subtle yet blended beautifully. The sake also went down a treat.
Besides the food - and despite the rainy view - the setting was lovely. A typical Brighton townhouse painted all white, with coloured lighting, spiral staircase, Japanese art and attentive staff. The chopsticks came wrapped in an imaginative paper envelope, which unfolded into origami instructions and a tear-off square of authentically-patterned paper, so we had real fun creating a tiny sailing boat and rabbit whilst finishing off our drinks.
All in all it was a very relaxing day, and definitely increased the Pinchy and the Wizard "quality time" quota.

Wizard's Wardrobe #2

Check out my latest purchase. I've got into the habit of combing every charity shop, wherever I visit, in search of bargains. On my latest trip I came across this gem. It fits really well, but I've not had the chance to wear it yet.

Item: full-length wool coat
Make: Jigsaw
Shop: Save The Children
Price: £12

Twin Atlantic

Went to review a band last night for work. I don't get paid for these little extras, but get free entry + 1 so it's a nice little perk. I have a few gigs lined up over the next few weeks to review, but this was my first, and you can read it on the Listed magazine website, here.
My knowledge of obscure Indie music is fairly limited, being more of an electronica fan, but I did my research, and the gig turned out to be better than I expected. Twin Atlantic sounded really professional, and ready for the stardom they are on course for.

This is what I came up with:

Despite the distance from their native Glasgow, the Twin Atlantic boys pulled an impressive crowd at Joiners, Southampton last night. There was a noticeable buzz in the place as they set up their vast array of gear, and it was catching. 

They began confidently with textbook - yet passionate - riffs, and the energy didn’t dwindle as they stormed through the first half of their set; these are clearly some hard-working boys. Guitarist Barry McKenna entertained with frequent bouts of guitar jumping, followed by a splendid turn on the cello during the more mellow second half. The girls in the room were especially impressed - when frontman Sam McTrusty removed his shirt to cool down.

Sam pointed out the tangible divide in the room between the serious music-heads at the back and moshers at the front, but everyone seemed to be responding positively. Looks like things are going well for Twin Atlantic, who are currently back across the Atlantic in the USA, after playing South by Southwest festival there in the summer, and recording their debut mini-album, Vivarium, in Los Angeles. Good luck boys!

Winter Wrapped

Another day, another shift at the shop. Don't get me wrong, I had an epiphany the other day: I actually really enjoy working there; wasted degree or not. The gossip, the hustle and bustle, the regular customers and their cheeky ways, the proximity to home, the fact that it is never hard work...!
One thing I'd change? The weather. With the automatic door sliding open all day long, and wall to wall chillers inside, it gets pretty damn cold in there.

I currently wear, every shift:

• tights or leggings
• big knickers
• two pairs of socks - one thin, one thick, or sometimes my over-the-knee ones
• jeans, or joggers if I'm feeling really sexy
• a vest
• a t-shirt
• a long-sleeved top
• a hoodie belonging to the Wizard (nice and roomy)
• a scarf

I can then still be seen stamping my feet and jigging up and down to fight off the cold that slowly sets in. Roll on summer, it can't come fast enough.

Wizard's Wardrobe #1

New shoes? Why yes! I picked up this pair of blue Adidas sneakers on a random Sunday wander round the shops recently. I wasn't planning on buying any trainers, but they were in the sale.

Item: trainers

Make: Adidas
Shop: Schuh

Price: £30

A Repetitive Idea from Ikea

A brand new IKEA opened near us about this time last year. I wasn't too sure what to expect, my only experience of the Swedish furniture store, rather than its glossy catalogue, being one random trip to the Croydon branch with my Nana and Grandad when I was about ten.
It's fascinating. There are four floors, but the ground floor is part of the car park and the entrance is on the 4th, via a large lift. The top floor is all furniture showrooms and cafeteria, the next one down is 'accessories' (crockery, appliances, soft furnishings), and the next one down, flat-pack collection and checkout. The IKEA family card gets swiped every time you go, not every time you buy. With an IKEA card you can get a 6-item breakfast for 99p and a coffee and a muffin for about 59p. Bargain. When it first opened, they were doing Swedish meatballs and chips for 99p, which ran for at least a month. They were nice too.
Anyway, the point is that we've never bought anything bigger than a plant there; and we've now bought three.

There is the spider plant at the back, which is the oldest, and is currently sprouting babies as you can see, the tropical and newest one in the middle, which grows from its dead-looking trunk and doesn't need watering, yet has really juicy green leaves, and in front: Jazzy Mike - The Curly Grass Plant. His name is written and visible on his pot, after a christening ceremony held at a university house party. He is also the messiest, flopping about in all directions, but starting to form promising 'dreadlocks' that might support him a little bit.

Catchy Biscuit

Poppy 'the cat' has mellowed out in her old age. She was never the trusting kind, always preferring to take a swipe at your shins from behind curtains, or under chairs, and throwing fits so bad you couldn't get past her. Personally, I think her 'issues' stem from her costing a fiver and being kept in a drawer in a houseful of small children and their toys. I was not a partaker of Poppy's selection process by the way.
But here she is now, serenely curled up next to me after a particularly long game of 'catchy biscuit'. You can guess the rules, and imagine the cat kibble being thrown around. I think she actually likes the game. In fact I only just came up with its tag line. Catchy Biscuit: Exercise for the Body and Mind. 
I could probably make a few quid running seminars for cat-lovers.

Don't Make Me Get Old Skool

Ok so I've just got in from a gossip in the local with Izzy, my partner in crime, girlfriend, empathetic sista and all-round best mate. A few pints of Amstel-top, and I've got this tune stuck in my head for some reason: www.youtube.com/watch?v=86Ok0B9EvZg. What a classic. How much more energy could go into that??

Two of my quality housemates from uni happened to hail from Kendal, Cumbria, in the beautiful Lake District. A couple of years ago our 'crew' took a trip to the Kendal Calling festival, where Dizzee Rascal himself was headlining. I seem to recall the tent kicking off with this...

The oldies always seem to be the best; if you liked that, how about this one? : www.youtube.com/watch?v=0pnJPX60vXA&feature=channel or this : www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUPleuj42w0&NR=1
Oh yeah, and check out the cake tent *slash* dirty dubstep rave tent, complete with straw-covered mud floor! :

Jazica

I suppose a lot of people have 'a mate in a band'. I suppose that mate/band are almost always 'almost there', recording contract-wise. I suppose if I told you that I, too, have a mate in a band, who are almost there, that you'll just suppose they are 'just another band'. Well you shouldn't. This band are to be taken notice of!
The friend: Frankie, a hippy-chic university buddy who happened to live in the room next-door in halls. The band: Jazica, joined/created/evolved by Frankie et al, three years ago, in our fresh-faced first year. The music: colourful electronic synth-pop.
They played a storming EP launch last night. Frankie had been up all night hand-printing t-shirts, which sold out alongside the EP, and the atmosphere and appreciation were electric. Here's to one more small step  in their musical journey, which is picking up pace all the time.

Cat Sat

I promised you more on our cat-sitting experience last week. I said it was a place in the middle of nowhere; I said it was for a workmate of the Wizard. It was in fact at his actual place of work; and the workmate lives in the converted flat above. The building is fantastic: built by the vicar's wife in the 19th Century as a school, and since having various uses. If I had the money, I'd make the boss an offer - it could do with a bit of TLC, not to mention updating, but the potential there is vast.

The flat can be seen here in the converted half of the roof. The other half is suspected to be inhabited by bats... (although neither us nor the cats seemed to notice). Ah, the cats. Rocky and Apollo. Bengal, house-bound and completely mental. I have never know a cat to sleep in a bed, under the duvet; let alone two of them curled up together. They're so confident, at least compared to my wimp of a moggy (love you, Poppy), and they really do rule the roost, with various tunnels, cat-scratching towers, homely-looking litter boxes and even their own pot of grass growing for them to eat. In the mornings, they would work their way under the duvet at our feet, crawl up through the bed and proceed to prowl up and down across the pillows, before curling up on our heads.
Beautiful, fun, but relentless. You certainly can't ignore them.

Career Change for the Wiz

With the recent departure of Reading FC boss Brendan Rodgers, a group of us thought we'd take the opportunity to apply for a dream job. Below is my application for the vacant position of Reading FC manager!

Dear Mr Hammond,

Please accept this letter as my application for the position of Reading F.C first team manager. On hearing that the position has recently become available I immediately set about drafting my application and drawing up a contingency plan to successfully return the club to the Premier League. Upon reading this application and my CV that is soon to follow, I think you soon realise that there is only one person that is right for this job. Not only do I have a love for this great club but also a thirst for the game that has yet to be quenched.

In my both my playing and managerial career I have tasted both success and failure. It is these moments that have made me a more determined and focused individual. In the past 18 months I have experienced league and cup triumphs on the pitch as a player, and have been pipped at the post to a league title in my first season of managing a university team that is growing in both stature and reputation. As well as a genuine connection to the game at all levels, I am able to bring my love for the club. I am local to Reading and have seen the club grow from the Elm Park era to the Madejski years of today, where I have been a season ticket holder for a number of years. It is partly the frustration of not being able to affect the team from the stands in the manner in which I so desire, that has spurred me into writing this application.

In short I am in no doubt, that with a single club vision, and commitment from both club officials, management, but more importantly the players, we can, no we will, be back playing in the Premier League within the next two seasons.

I believe that in order to move the club forward and achieve promotion, we as a club need a team of people as passionate and as committed as yourself and Sir John. It is for this reason that I highly recommend that you consider the applications of  MM, DA, NJ, and AG to work as my support staff. I am in no doubt that these four great men share the same vigour, drive, and determination as myself.

Thank you for taking the time to review my application. If for any reason it were deemed that I was not suitable for the prestigious position then I would greatly appreciate a response in writing at your earliest possible convenience.

Yours Sincerely,

The Wizard

BA(Hons)

So far I am yet to receive a reply, but a statement from owner John Madejski on the Reading FC website reads: "As you can imagine there have been a whole load of people in touch. We've had applications through the door but we are putting them to one side because we're concentrating on the short term." Keep your fingers crossed for me!

Have You Seen These People?

The world is brimming with mystery and wonder. Some of it's marvels are ancient artefacts such as the pyramids, built by our ancestors and extensively written about by generations to come, yet still misunderstood. Some are more spiritual in nature, never meant to be explained by us mere mortal humans; and some of those mysteries are small and personal - life's everyday trials and tribulations, that are sent to relentlessly and constantly test us. When you look closer, perhaps it is these personal challenges that hold the most wonder - the strength of the human spirit, determination, mind over matter etc. But perhaps I am digging too deep for now.
Here is a mystery that will never be explained. I found these passport photos outside the dance tent at Reading Festival 2009 (see previous post), just lying there looking up at me as I boogied my way into the tent. I was compelled to pick them up, and have been wondering ever since. Who are these people? Do you know? Where are they from? Are they a couple? Brother and sister? What do they want? Did they enjoy the festival? What's their favourite type of cheese?

The mind boggles. But do let us know if you can help...

Chocolate Heaven

A few weeks ago, ever the patriotic optimist, I heard word of American processed foods giant Kraft having their bid to buy Cadbury's rejected. I cheered, and then blindly believed that was the end of it. Or I was in denial. Or both. You see, Cadbury's is genuinely my favourite chocolate; the recipe is perfect, it has no nasty additives, it provides the feel good factor, and has always been a far wiser choice than the corporate (yet inferior) taste of rivals Nestlé or Mars. And it's British! I'm talking about the actual chocolate here too, in whatever combination it's presented. (Fruit & Nut, Creme Egg being two of the best).
For Cadbury's, production began in Bournville, in Birmingham, in 1869. This was an entire 'factory in a garden' town, built by the Cadbury brothers to house the workers, who were were treated to idyllic surroundings and even encouraged to grown their own food. Workers were so enthusiastic that it showed in the chocolate production itself, and within 100 years Cadbury's rose to be the world's leading confectionary company.
So today I am not cheering in that loyal, spirited way. Today I am sad. It seems there is a price on this particular institution after all - to the tune of £12 billion. To put that into perspective, UK support for the recent bank bailout comes in at £850bn. Not only is it another British business sold abroad, and more British jobs lost, but the recipe that is John Cadbury's legacy and gift will surely change. Even a change in suppliers could make a difference to that famous, wholesome flavour.  Corporate decisions may come before integrity, and the fundamentals will be lost entirely. Plus, everyone knows Americans can't make chocolate like a European.
I'm all for a nationwide boycott personally (not sure how long I'd last, what with it being Creme Egg season and all), but let's at least hope Kraft listen to their valued employees and life-long customers, and keep things as they always were. They have a lot to live up to.

Angels and Demons

After many failed attempts, for various reasons, we finally watched Angels and Demons last night.
We're currently cat-sitting for a workmate of the Wizard, in a place in the middle of nowhere (more later!), so, true to tradition, we turned all the lights off and snuggled up under a big fluffy throw with the cats and some popcorn, and were gripped from the start.
I may have had a slightly unfair advantage, as I have read Dan Brown's bestselling book - which was awesome, and made a trip to Rome a couple of years ago all the more enthralling. But the brilliantly simplified version of an otherwise complex story worked well and was, importantly, easy to follow whilst maintaining the fast-paced urgency of the narrative. The setting of the story is beautiful, and translates well into film.
I don't think the colourful historic conflicts between science and religion came across as profoundly as they perhaps should; but then there is a lot of potential controversy involved in creating a multi-million-dollar Hollywood movie (although author Dan Brown is no stranger to adverse audience reactions, I'm sure), and things are especially delicate where religion is concerned. As an avid and enthusiastic reader, however, the movie lacked some emotional meaning and a real historical connection.
The adaptation is a job well done, though. Just don't ask me where Dan Brown gets the energy and strength to write such a masterpiece!

In Demand

I knew this would happen. Six long months of strenuous searching for a job, then three offers come along at once... So I've had some big decisions to make this week, and hope I've made the right one.
I'm now working part-time for Listed magazine, a free events listings magazine for Southampton and Bournemouth areas, featuring: music, film, nightlife, arts, entertainment, dance, comedy, motoring, sport, theatre, fashion, restaurants and books. (Phew! Anything not covered let me know!) I'm on the sales team generating advertising revenue for the magazine, and going out on field sales appointments next week! As they're a really small team, I'm hopefully going to be helping with design and copy during busier periods, nearer the print deadline. Finally I feel like a professional!