Money in the Banksy

Having 'mislaid' my phone in a dingy London Bridge nightclub on Friday night, I found myself at a bit of a loose end on the next day; until Facebook came to the rescue with an invite to a Banksy exhibition in Knightsbridge. The perfect bit of culture to counteract the guilt-ridden hangover.

Andipa Gallery holds one of the largest Banksy collections in the UK, and I certainly wasn't disappointed with the examples on show here. His now-iconic chimpanzee works really stood out. Banksy has said about these: "You paint a hundred chimpanzees and they call you a guerilla artist." They bore the sinister slogan 'laugh now, but one day we'll be in charge", a menacing pair held guns aloft, and one was painted haphazardly onto an old door.

I also loved the contrast of the pink armoured tanks and lollipop lady, and was particularly taken with a work on printed canvas... but you'll have to have a look for yourself. If you've got upwards of £65,000, you could even take one home!

Banksy from the collection of Andipa finishes 9th July. It's well worth checking out War Boutique on the lower ground floor too.

London Jewellery Week 2011

It was London Jewellery Week last week, and hundreds of activities took place city-wide, to celebrate London's unique and ancient jewellery industry.

Goldsmiths' Hall - the home of the UK's premier supporter of the jewellery trade, The Goldsmiths' Company - hosted Days of Knowledge seminars, and workshops from the London Assay Office.  Victoria House in Bloomsbury held a one-of-a-kind selling exhibition called 'Treasure' featuring 80 of the best contemporary designers; and the Hatton Garden Festival celebrated with a street party featuring workshops, launches, kids' activities and opportunities to learn about diamonds and the history of the area. It's not dubbed the 'diamond district' for nothing.

Elsewhere, Old Spitalfields Market was transformed into JewelEast for the week - a showcase of new designers, and the best costume and vintage jewellery; the Camden Civic Treasures exhibition showed mayoral regalia from 1901 and never before seen in public; and south of the river, the OXO Tower's four resident design-led jewellers held private viewings at the OXO Jewellers Benchmark Exhibition. 

There were also mobile certification labs from Solitaire Gemmological Laboratories Ltd at various locations throughout the week, offering free diamond grading, and lots, lots more... I'm just sorry I couldn't see all of it.

Get Me Out Of Here!

Here's another poem, called Get Me Out Of Here. I came up with the first verse whilst chilling in the bath, then had to hurry up and get out to finish it.


The trappings of this earth and sea
Are far too much for me, for me
I long for quiet, a slower pace
That must be found in outer space

The peace, the calm, the wonderous sights
Would take me to the highest heights
I could soar amongst the stars
Who knew I could go so far?

If only there was air up there
With air up there I'd have no cares
The freshest air, the sweetest breeze
Yet it would rustle the leaves of no trees

What if I could take a friend?
The fun would never, ever end
I could even take a bike
And some clothing, and the like

I'd need some food, I'd need a drink
I think I'd need more than I think
I'd need some medicine in case
Of strange diseases in this place

And what of music, what of art?
Surely they must play a part
The inspiration, with nowhere to go
No-one to see, and no-one to know

Maybe I'd visit this earth, this sea
Every so often, just to see
I'd take a shower, a bubble bath
Turn up the volume, just for a laugh

I'd pound the pavements, drive a car
And start to forget I'd been so far
I'd always remember the peace I had
But maybe this earth, it ain't so bad

A Poem For Smallsy

When the inspiration takes me, I'm actually quite good at making up poems on the spot. A while ago, my friend Smallsy left a lovely ditty on my Facebook wall, and I replied instantly with something too vulgar to post (which just happened to trip off the tongue). I then owed him a nice, well thought-out poem. So here it is:


Smallsy is a funny one
He's who I'd put my money on
He's got plenty decent skills
And can always pay the bills
His attraction is magnetic
('Though not always photogenic)
And he's also got the most delicious bum.


He is always understanding
And never too demanding
Never fails to make me smile
Even when it's been a while
Sometimes he's disgusting
But it makes me feel like buff ting *
And he really really really loves his mum.


*Buff ting: Urban Dictionary.com - English word, South East, meaning hot, fit or pretty

20-20 vision! Said the 90-year-old blind optician.

This is a true story. I'm used to being the exception to the rule in my family, who have all worn glasses from a young age, but when the blurry things began to get closer and closer, and the on-screen TV menus started spreading out in all sorts of unreadable directions, I thought it might be time to get my eyes tested.
It must have been this guy's own optician practice. Who the hell would give him a job anywhere else? He was literally 90, could hardly walk, was shuffling around bent over and had really thick glasses. Nothing against the guy, but was he really qualified to give me an eye test?
Oh well, 20-20 it is! Just as I was getting used to the idea of some cool glasses.